09:19pm June/18/2003
mood: tired
My arms hurt a lot cause i lifted to much weight yesterday morning. I went to maaco to find out how much it will cost to paint my car, 1300 is way too much, even though the color was really cool.
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My mom...   
05:26pm June/9/2003
mood: happy
My internet has been offline for a couple of weeks cause my mom didn't pay the bill so now i have to start paying for it...this sux oh well not much else has gone on...right now i am bbqing and matt is at work and i miss him :( speaking of work i finally got a job that pays ok i guess not really on the way to financial independance but it will pay the bills for the time being
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Bad news :(   
07:42pm May/29/2003
mood: blah
Yesterday i found out that my sister needs to terminate her pregnauncy because the baby doesn't have any fluid around it brain and it has no kidneys and tons of other probs with it...poor thing. I feel really sad for her, they have been trying to have a baby for quite awhile now and she finally gets one and then she finds out it that it will probably die if it was born, so they have decided to abort it. I dont really have many feelings on it, i don't know exactly how to put myself in that situation, cause i will never have kids and i dont really have and desire to have any. I feel sad for her and everything but i dont really feel sad, it is like an oh well kind of feeling.

Also today when i was parked at matts house one of the roofers there drove their tractor into the back of my car and fucked up my bumper. The guy that hit it gave me the card to his employer to get insurance information. I called my sister's husband today and asked if he knew any good body shops...so tomorrow he is going to call me in the morning to give me a name of one..all i need to do then is fax them the estimate and they are going to fix it
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02:07pm May/28/2003
  I finally found a job, today i went and took a drug test...god i had to wait for like an hour for the stupid bitch to get back from her lunch so i could take the piss test. Oh well it isn't like i am going to fail or anything. I saw the animatrix they were fucking awesome. I ordered something glass online and when i got it, it was broken :"-( i emailed them and they are sending me another one.... yay, i hope everything works out this summer.  
Matt slept...   
10:46pm May/15/2003
mood: blank
Today matt slept the whole after noon...them i went home to eat...i came back to his house and he was still sleeping...he slept the whole time i was there...poor baby
another day....   
10:15pm May/14/2003
mood: bored
jeez today was boring...i woke up really late cause i hadn't gotten much sleep...i went back to the railroad place and still told them that i was interested in the job they offered me...i went to the library and reserved some books on real estate exams...then i went to matts and hung out with him for a little bit and we came over to my house so he could download a program and so that i could eat, cause his mom doesn't like that i eat at their house...we went back to his house and watched tv...fun huh?
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11:17pm May/13/2003
mood: depressed
Today matt had a doctors appointment so he stayed over at my house and i drove him home at 8:30am.
I waited until he was done with his appointment do go and meet him.
I drove him to work.
I was feeling depressed so i went rollerblading with my brother at the soos creek trail, it was ok cause i got my mind off of things.
Carina called and asked if i could pick her up cause she and her friend were stranded in renton, i don't know why she called me she isn't my friend, oh well i at least got gas money.
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Hanging out with rapheal   
08:12pm May/13/2003
mood: bored
omg last night fucking sucked...
ok matt was bored so we went to southcenter to meet his frined.
he drove us to tacoma to meet some girl that could get them weed.
he got pulled over by some dyke bitch he was going 82 in a sixty.
after they got their drugs they went back to rapheal's house and smoked it along with opium.
what the hell is wrong with people these days?
Hunting time   
09:35pm May/9/2003
mood: annoyed
Joe and I hung out today we went searching for babies in the woods and around his house, unfortunatly we didn't have any luck :-( well at least we got some good exercize. When we got back from the lake and Greenriver we ate an entire bag of those mother animal cookies, the ones with like %500 saturated fat. oh well they were still good
yes well   
09:27pm May/9/2003
mood: happy
it has been a while since i have updated because i have been a little preoccupied with life and shit. But everything is good between Matt and i now which is nice. i guess we scared each other too much and realized what it would be like with out one an other.
10:57pm May/1/2003
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What the fuck an i doing wrong???   
09:36pm May/1/2003
mood: distressed
Today goes as follows:

Got up took my antibiotics.
Steve came over to give me a cd that he had created.
He was bugging me to drive my car so i let him as long as i got to drive his car.
I watched the rest of John Q.
I got ready and went over to matt's house.
He wanted to go to the park and get a cable for his room.
We went to home depot to get a cable for his room.
We found a lady's purse in a cart but we just left it there and when we got back out it was gone.
At his house i took a pain killer cause my eyes and head hurt bad.
We drove to the park, even though i didn't really want to go.
Aparently i went to the wrong park so i drove to Steel Lake park.
Then i drove him to go shopping at seatac mall.
He bought some really cute pants at American Eagle after walking around the whole mall.
I told him i was hungry so i drove to my house to get some food.
He wanted to use my computer to update his journal, but never did and just chatted with peeps.
When he was done i asked him if he wanted to cuddle with me and he said he wasn't in the mood.
I said i was tired.
And then he said "whatever i don't want to be around you when you are high" or something like that.
And i was like "i am not high i am tired"
So i took him home and said call me when you can start trusting me...
he left his phone in my car...i callled him and said you left your phone and he said..."well then i guess i won't be calling you anytime soon then"
So i left...i am sick of this shit...why doesn't he realize that i am not lying to him, i wasn't high i only took one percocet and that was about 4 hours prior to this incident :"(
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Terrible Headach   
11:19pm April/30/2003
mood: high
OMG i woke up this morning and realized i had a terrible headach... i couldn't eat anything or hardly even get up to go to the bathroom. I called my mom and she said to go to the doctors...ever little light hurt my eyes...like a knife being stabbed in the eye socket and in the back of my neck.
When i got to the urgent care clinic, thank god i still have insurance with my dad's work. I went in the examination room and my head was POUNDING!!! I sat on the paper covered bed while the nurse, a larger old man, did a few test on me, like temp and vital sighs. He left and shortly after...which never happens...the doctor came in and i told him all my sypotoms, he swabed my throught for streep and did more tests on me. A nurse came in and took three full vials of blood, good thing i don't mind needles. I sat and waited for a few more moments with the lights off cause they were still fucking with my eyes... then another nurse came in and took more blood...also three vials...luckily it was in my hand this time, i hate getting poked in my forearm. The doctor came back and asked if i wanted some demoral for my headach, but he asked if there was anyone that could drive me home...but there wasn't so i didn't and i also wanted to go to matts house when he got off of school. He prescribed me some meds and i also said that i was having problems with penal discharges so he made me take a urinary analyasis.
I left and got my presriptions filled.
When i got home crystal called and asked if i could take her to night school, i told her that i already promised that i would pick matt up from school. So she called my mom and my mom forced me to do it...jeez i know she is my sister and all but it isn't my fault my dad is a loser that cant even take is daughter to school. I went to matts after dropping her off and we watched "Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets" It was way funnier that the first one, i liked the sceen with the pixies...we cuddled i fell asleep for a few minutes laying with my head on his chest, i love laying like that.
During the movie my mom called and said that i needed to call the clinic for the results of the UA, they said it was a urinary track infection and i need to go to saftway to pick up my antibiotics. Matt got mad cause he thought that i asked the doctor for demoral, so i left him to pick up my prescription. i went back to his house and i took a percocet, wow i was feeling really high.
I drove home and now i am sitting here high as fuck, but at least i cant feel my headach...hehe
Matt moved...   
12:29am April/30/2003
mood: sick
Yesterday i helped matt and his mom move from their appartment to the appartment across the hall.
Too much heavy lifting and a lot of other shit to sort through,
their new place is a lot better though, buch brighter and tons more clean...i like a lot more.
Matt remodled the living room and computer room and his bed room is so much better...but now we cant lock the door >_< of well his mom has never walked in before...hehe.

I woke up today i feel reall sick i hope i don't have sars or anything that would really suck, i turned in another application at the car-train-place, i know i will get that job, i also have pretty good feeings about fred meyer...i went to a group interview yesterday too, most of the people were fucking breeders that were talking about "slappin up some bitches." What retards.
Oh sunny day   
10:55pm April/27/2003
mood: distressed
Last night Matt and I went to sumner to visit a gay couple that Matt has known for a year or so now. On our way there we pasted their condo so they had to come find us...it was okay i guess their condo was really clean, almost too clean...i had a couple shots of vodka and matt had a couple of schminof ices and the rest of my vodka cranberry drink. We watched tv with marcus for a couple of hours till his "boyfriend???" came over and then we watched more tv...i waited until i was sober to drive home, i wished that we could have stayed longer but it was getting kinda boring...maybe next time will be better.

Today we woke up at around 12 or so and i made matt breakfast...we drove to alki beach it was really pretty but matt didn't care and was really bored, cause he wanted to go shopping. i looked for a parking spot but i couldn't find one anywhere so matt said just forget it so i left to go back home
10:31am April/25/2003
  breast implants!

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blah day again   
11:40pm April/24/2003
mood: blah
Didn't really do much today...
went over to matts house,
got my hair cut but the lady messed up in the back so i had to go back and have her fix it,
went to the lake for a little while...i saw some small mushrooms growing...too bad they were not the good kind,
matt's mom bought KFC...fatty...for dinner,
drove matt to pams..
and then went home and worked on my head lights

My new hair cut
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11:16pm April/23/2003
mood: calm
Not much happened today i looked online for information about attending the university of washington pharmacy collage...i think i will be going next year...it has always been what i wanted to do...i picked up matt and took him to work...i went to every fred meyers in the area and applied...i got an interview on monday...yey.

I got home and called Katie and asked if she wanted to hang out so we went to sharis' and she bought some food and i ate half of it...hehe

We went to target so that she could get her brother a birthday present (cr-rws) for his 16th birthday...too bad it was yesterday...oh well

Then we went to Kentmaridian so she could leave a message on Myk's car for Jeff.

I drove her home and then went to pick up Matt from work...i tried to get there as early as i could to visit him, but i got there right when they closed the doors :"(
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!

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Earth Day   
10:53pm April/22/2003
mood: bouncy
Today i got up and found a website where i was able to download all these different programs and ringtones and wallpaper to my cell phone the website is www.matrixm.com if you use it put me as your referal: godiam.
I took Matt to work cause i was headed down there anyway.
I was going there to apply at t-mobile and costco...i pray to god that i get a job, and i don't even believe in god.
When i dropped off matt i saw authur in the partking lot with his girlfriend tracie.
I got home and my moms car wouldn't start because one of her ignition wires was loose, i think she needs to replace them.
Josh called me suprisingly after i had talked to matt at around 10:30. He is living in Yakama now with his uncle...he want to come down here and visit me cause he says he misses me...i wouldn't mind to see him again...but i am not really sure if matt would really like me seeing him agian.
old pic of Josh
I also asked matt if he know this guy that chris sent to my aim name...his name is sean and he is from everet...matt said that he was the guy that asked if he could get a kiss from Matt for a piece of kandi...that really pissed me off at the time.
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Why is my dad suck a fucking retard?   
10:31pm April/21/2003
mood: aggravated
i went swimming today with matt and carina.
Carina had to sneak us in to her apartment pool cause when matt and i entered alone they asked for our cards...they had never asked before.
Oh well it was really fun,
carina's brother said i looked like i was 12...yey i feel young again.
and then i went to my dads house to lift weights in his gym
he wasn't home...i was really worried cause he didn't answer his phone or anything...but later that night i found out that;

a couple days before he fucking said he left his cunt bitch assed wife cause all she wasted was a visa (greencard) and now he is with that cock whore again
god it pisses me off.
I called him today...on his fucking cunt assed wifes cell phone and i was like..."what the fuck, why are you with her all she said she wanted from you was a greencard!"
And he said..."I don't care it isnt any of your business."
Then i hung up...god he such a fucking asshole...why is he my dad??? I hate him so much and I hate his fucking cunt cocksucking motherfucking twat of a whore wife infintly more....

And Matt is manifesting these thoughts mainly caused by Chris from Raymond chrisemerson03 that i have some sort of affair with people off the net.
i hope he comes to grips with what he wants and that i don't really have loving feelings for people i talk to on the net...i only want friends i don't want sex or another relationship.
You Have Normal Coping Skills
You are normal. Lucky little you

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